Next Steps? Growth Track? Connection Point?

WTH is up with all the classes? What do you do, when, how long, to what end?

Good morning.

Welcome to Swebb’s Community Church. We value your time and are grateful you joined us today. We’d love for you to find community here. We have a place for you no matter where you come from. We all have a past, amiright? I mean, last week we dropped a $15,000 honorarium on a guy who left his family, split the church, but is launching a new one next week that we’re supporting. So we’re a grace-filled space here.

Anywayzzzz….

We have a really simple process for you to connect at the church. We created an environment for you to learn more about the church, our story, our pastor’s wive’s hobbies … and her book club and ladies event and new book and hair products and lip filler that she doesn’t think we noticed.

Just out in the lobby, stop by the 7th table on the right next to the 23rd banner. Tell them you want to take you Next StepPointe Connection Pastor’s Pizza Party Track of Growth to learn more about us.

It starts every other week immediately after the 2nd service, as long as that week’s date is a prime number. It goes for only 4 weeks. You’ll want to jump in today… except that the first week doesn’t start for another few weeks … well, actually, after Easter since this month is a little messed up… so then you’ll jump right in and connect.

We’ll make it super easy. Just a few assessments, some outdated videos you don’t care about, and that I haven’t even seen, and are available on YouTube if you actually cared.

Then my favorite part is in week 3 - which is about 9 weeks from now - when 84 different leaders come in to pitch their volunteer opportunities and hold ratty foam boards to pretend it’s an amazing opportunity. Of course your preference doesn’t matter since we also assessed your spiritual gifts. But even then, we really need more people in the kids ministry so your preference and gifting are secondary.

But then it’ll be super exciting to jump right in to an additional 4-week waiting period where you get to go to an online school to learn all about child abuse, laws, and even take a test to make sure you’re ministry safe. It’s an easy 2-hour investment, which is still shorter than the service though.

Assuming you pass that - because there’s definitely a test - your info will be quickly handed off to one of our amazing team members who haven’t spoke to anyone other than staff members in over 3 years. They’ll completely drop the ball and not call you for 7 weeks since they’re at the Grow Conference before they hit student camp before they take their 3 week vacation, all of which are justifiable reasons for not connecting in this age of iPhones and 15-hour work weeks in ministry.

But rest assured, we value your place and opportunity to serve here. We can’t do this without you. We’re excited. Super excited!

We look forward to having you on the team by the next blood moon.

Stand with me and let’s continue in worship as our out-of-shape team leads us … just slightly out of breath.

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Ok, so that’s not all exactly true.

Some worship teams aren’t out of shape.

But the other stuff is pretty close, right?

Seen it. Again and again.

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And many of you just thought, “Oh, ours isn’t all that. It’s just two weeks.”

Maybe.

But then many “it’s just two weeks” classes are just for the volunteer portion. That doesn’t take into account the “learn more about us” class and “Pizza with the pastor” class and “just stop by the lobby for a coupon to our coffee shop” meet-ups.

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So what classes are important?

What process should there be for connection? What the heck even is “connection”?

How often should they be presented?

What info needs to be in the classes?

Who teaches them?

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I gotchu. Let’s hit it this week!